Thanet Scaly Wag

The Wine taster

2011-02-13T12:56:00.000-08:00

In an alcohol factory the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.
A drunkard with ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position.
The director of the factory wondered how to send him away..
They tested him.
They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said, "It's red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers."
"That's correct", said the boss.
Another glass.
"It's red wine, cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oakbarrels."
"Correct."
A third glass.
''It's champagne, high grade and exclusive'' calmly said the drunk.
The director was astonished.
He winked at his secretary to suggest something.
She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it.
"It's a blonde, 26 years old, pregnant in the third month.
And if you don't give me the job, I'll name the father!"

Its election time.

2011-02-11T13:40:00.000-08:00

It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three candidates.

Candidate A: Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 Martinis a day.

Candidate B: He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in College and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening..

Candidate C: He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks An occasional beer and never committed adultery.

Which of these candidates would be our choice?

Decide first... No peeking, and then scroll down for the response.

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt. Candidate B is Winston Churchill. Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.

Golfing accident

2011-02-11T13:32:00.000-08:00

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me,' she told him. 'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'? He replied: 'It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken!'

Virgin arlines desk attendant

2011-02-11T12:35:00.000-08:00

An award should go to the Virgin Airlines desk attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said,"I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS". The attendant replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out.."The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear,"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM? "Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: "May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please," she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal."We have a passenger here at Desk 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Desk 14.
"With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said,"F... You! "Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too."

The Purina diet

2011-01-18T09:09:00.000-08:00

This email was sent to me about the dangers of the Purina diet.

Yesterday I was at my local CO-OP buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it Works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

I'm now banned from the Co-op.

Adult jokes

2011-01-17T09:00:00.000-08:00

THE 5 ANSWERS WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!

Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR?

A: It's Braille for "suck here".

Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?

A: It's the same as a French kiss, but "down under".

Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?

A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?

A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet; but when they go, they take your house and car with them.

Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?
A: Because they don't have balls to scratch.

BONUS QUESTION & ANSWER:

Q: What is a man's ultimate embarrassment?

A: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.

Nominated as the world's best short joke:

A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath. "Mom," he asked, "Are these my brains?"
"Not yet," she replied.

Epileptic Goldfish

2011-01-16T13:06:00.000-08:00

A man goes to the vet with his goldfish.

"I think it's got epilepsy" he tells the vet.

Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me".

He then replies , "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".

Puns for the educated

2011-01-16T10:26:00.000-08:00

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was SirCumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in linoleum blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .
21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The flight attendant looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, but only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Australian Ashes Jokes

2011-01-13T12:36:00.000-08:00

WHAT do you get if you cross the Australian cricket team with an OXO cube?
A laughing stock.
The Australian bobsleigh team have asked the Aussie cricket team for a meeting.
They want to ask their advice about going downhill so fast!
What’s the difference between Ricky Ponting and a funeral director?
A funeral director doesn’t keep losing the ashes.
Did you hear what the stump microphones picked up when The Ashes skippers tossed the coin on Boxing Day?
Andrew Strauss called correctly and, quick as a flash, said to Ricky Ponting: “You lads can bat.’’ Just as quick, Ponting replied: “No, we can’t. We really can’t.”
What do you call an Australian with a champagne bottle in his hand? A waiter.
Of everyone in the Aussie team, who spends the most time at the crease?
The woman who irons their cricket whites.
What’s the height of optimism?
An Aussie batsman putting on sunscreen.
Why did the Aussie break his leg throwing a ball?
He forgot it was chained to his foot.
What is the main function of the Australia coach?
To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.
On his way out into the middle to bat, Ricky Ponting gets a call from his wife and teammate Michael Hussey tells her he’s heading out to the middle.
His wife replies: “I’ll hold, he won’t be long!”
What’s the difference between an Aussie batsman and a Formula 1 car?
Nothing! If you blink you’ll miss them both.
Who has the easiest job in the Australian squad?
The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.
What do Aussie batsmen and drug addicts have in common?
Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come from.
What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?
The entire Australian innings.
What’s the Australian version of LBW?
Lost, Beaten, Walloped.
Why is Ricky Ponting cleverer than Houdini?
Because he can get out without even trying.
What does Ricky Ponting put in his hands to make sure the next ball is almost certainly going to be a wicket?
A bat.
What do you call a cricket field full of Australians ?
A vacant lot.
Why do Australians call their favourite drink Castlemaine XXXX?
Because they can’t spell piss.
Why can’t Australian blokes take their girlfriends to the cricket?
They eat all the grass.
What does an Australian batsman who is playing in The Ashes have in common with Michael Jackson?
They both wore gloves for no apparent reason.
Heard the one about the Englishman who was stopped by Australian immigration officers at Sydney airport?
They asked him if he had a criminal record. He replied: “I didn’t know it was still necessary.”
What’s the difference between Ricky Ponting and a phoenix?
At the end of the ashes, the phoenix still has a future.

The rabbit and the cheese toastie

2010-10-08T04:35:00.000-07:00

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman,
'Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?'
The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.
The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.
The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.
The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub, (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves.
The next night, the pub is packed.
In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.'
The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie, and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down
The next night there is standing room only in the pub.
Coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending.
The barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year
In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman,
The barman says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker, but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties..'
The rabbit looks aghast.
The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says, 'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.'
The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like it.'
The masses' bated breath is ear shatteringly silent.
The barman, with a roguish smile says,
'Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends. I know you'll love it.'
'Ok', says the rabbit, 'I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.'
The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie.
He then waves to the crowd and leaves....

...NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!

One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the barman, (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time.
When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar.
The barman says, 'Who are you?',
to which he is answered,
'I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.'
The barman says, 'I remember you. You made me famous.
You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.
Masses came to see you and this place was famous.'
The rabbit says, 'Yes I know.'
The barman said, 'I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties.
You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.'
The rabbit said, 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it.
The barman said, 'You never came back, what happened?'
'I DIED' ,said the rabbit.
'NO!' said the barman. 'What from?'
After a short pause. The rabbit said...

'Mixin-me-Toasties'

The Whale joke.

2010-09-18T13:54:00.001-07:00

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air hole at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink."They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore.The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him."Look", she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."

Redneck joke

2010-06-21T11:06:00.000-07:00

"An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare.With that as his mission he began to search for the perfect woman.Shortly there after he met a Redneck who had three stunning,gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the Redneck and asked for permission to marry one of them.The Redneck simply replied, "They're lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want."The man dated the first daughter. The next day the Redneck asked for the man's opinion. "Well," said the man, "she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice...pigeon-toed."The Redneck nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter..The next day, the Redneck again asked how things went. "Well,"the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell...cross-eyed."The Redneck nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming,"She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to marry." So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born.When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest baby you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law and asked how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents."Well," explained the Redneck...."She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell...pregnant when you met her."

The Italian Firefighters

2010-04-05T14:36:00.000-07:00

One dark night in the small town of Garfield , NJ, a fire started inside the local sausage factory. In a blink the building was engulfed in flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.
When the first volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret sausage recipes are in the vault in the center of the plant. They have to be saved, so I will donate 50,000 to the fire company that brings them out and delivers them to me."
But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in because the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer to extricate the secret recipes was now 100,000 to the fire department that could save them.
Suddenly from up the road, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the fire engine of the nearby Lodi , NJ volunteer fire department composed mainly of Italian firefighters over the age of 65.
To everyone 's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Italian firefighters, passed the fire engines parked outside the plant and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched in amazement as the Italian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire as if they were fighting to save their own lives. Within a short time, the Lodi old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret recipes.
The grateful sausage company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman accomplishment he was upping the reward to 200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave elderly Italian firefighters.
A TV news crew rushed in after capturing the event on film. The 'on camera' reporter asked the Italian fire chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?"
"Wella," said Chief Pasquale De Luccinellavanti, the 70-year-old fire chief, "de fursta tinga we gonnna do isza fixa de brakes on dat fockinna truck!!"

Nice Hair ?

2010-03-20T08:32:00.000-07:00

Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to Jackie at the coffee machine, he inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore and takes her complaint to the supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against the co-worker.

The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: 'What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?'

Jackie replies, 'Its Keith. The midget.'

Football team models

2010-03-20T08:21:00.001-07:00

Three examples of football team models from Italy, Brazil and Liverpool.

The Budweiser Frogs

2010-03-20T08:17:00.000-07:00

The Budweiser Frogs, I suppose it makes a change from face painting.

Fluctuations

2010-03-19T13:17:00.000-07:00

Today's word is................. Fluctuations

I was in my bank today there was a short queue. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for pounds .

It was obvious she was a little irritated . . . She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat pound fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."

The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too"

The two wood peckers

2010-02-25T04:40:00.001-08:00

An American woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in America arguing about which country had the toughest trees. The American woodpecker claimed America had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.

The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The American woodpecker was amazed.

The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the American woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'impeccable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers ). The American woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge.The two of them flew to Canada where the American woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called 'impeccable' tree almost without breaking a sweat.Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the American tree, and the American woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country?After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:

Apparently, Tiger Woods was right, when he said, “your pecker gets harder when you're away from home“.

Careful Bob

2010-02-25T04:37:00.000-08:00

Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my bowling league.

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink Budweiser?'

'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.

I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says,

'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'

Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.

Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it .

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says,

'Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time...'

some jokes

2009-12-27T11:22:00.000-08:00

Q.: What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. : A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again

Q: What's the height of conceit?
A.: Having an orgasm and calling out your own name

Q:What's the definition of macho?
A.: Jogging home from your vasectomy while hurdling fences.

Q.: What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A.: A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Q:Why is divorce so expensive?
A.: Because it's worth it!

Q:What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes

Q:If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A.: The Swallow

Female power

2009-12-14T12:22:00.000-08:00

From America

While the C-5 (our largest transport plane) was turning over its engines, a female crew member gave the G.I.s on board the usual information regarding seat belts, emergency exits, etc..
Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your Captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to Afghanistan "
An old Master Sergeant sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, "Did I hear her right is the Captain a woman?"
When the attendant came by he asked,"did I understand you right is the captain a woman?" ''Yes" said the attendant, "In fact, this entire crew is female."
''My God," he said, "I wish I had two double scotch and sodas, I don't know what to think with only women up there in the cockpit"
''That's another thing, Sergeant," said the crew member, "We no longer call it the cockpit"

Say no to Cadbury's merger

2009-12-07T14:13:00.001-08:00

Chocolate lovers everywhere please Say No to Cadbury Merging with Nestle....

It is not right

Winter Driving

2009-12-07T14:08:00.001-08:00

It happens to all of us...

You're driving along just minding your own business,

when all of a sudden -without any warning,

This Dick In A Truckpulls out right in front of you......

Scottish Christmas joke

2009-12-04T13:10:00.000-08:00

A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.”

'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.

“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer” the father says. “We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.

”Franticly, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.“Like hell they're getting divorced!” she shouts, “I'll take care of this!”She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father “You are NOT getting divorced.

Don't do a single thing until I get there.I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow.Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Sorted! They're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way.'

The story of two outhouses.

2009-12-04T13:05:00.001-08:00

One in a million

2009-12-04T13:00:00.001-08:00

The Hazards of Working on the Railway

2009-12-04T12:55:00.000-08:00

Season tickets are available.

Golf Balls

2009-12-04T12:49:00.001-08:00

You have been warned.

Shopping trip

2009-12-01T08:11:00.000-08:00

A Old Man looking back at his life

"When I were a lad, Mum would send me down to t'corner store wi' a pound, and I'd come back wi' five pounds o' potatoes, two loaves o' bread, three pints o' milk, a pound o' cheese, a packet o' tea, an' 'alf a dozen eggs.

Yer can't do that now.

Too many security cameras."

Three Nuns

2009-11-23T05:29:00.000-08:00

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.

At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you have all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be
The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and *poof* she's gone.
The second says, "I want to be Madonna and *poof* she's gone.
The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini.."
St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he asks
"Sara Pipalini" replies the nun.
St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.
St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing he hands it back to her and says. "No sister, the paper says it was the ' Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."

If you laugh, you are going straight to hell!

Teddy Bears

2009-11-23T05:25:00.001-08:00

This joke was sent to me by email for sharing, enjoy

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together and go back to his place.As he shows her around his apartment she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the bedroom with hundreds and hundreds of cute cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows covering the entire wall. It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display. There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf. She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears. She is quite impressed by his sensitive side but doesn't mention this to him. They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and after a while, she finds her self thinking, 'Oh my God! maybe this guy could be the one. Maybe he could be the future father of my children?'She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips, he responds warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other s clothes and make hot, steamy love. She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known. After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the after glow. The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, 'Well,how was it?' The guy gently smiles at her then strokes her cheek and looks deeply into her eyes and says 'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf'

A stick of Rock,Cock ?

2008-10-23T10:44:00.000-07:00

This postcard without doubt went on sale at Margate during the early part of the 1950's, such a postcard appealed directly to the earthy humour of the working class londoner who visted Margate in the thousands. This particular card "A stick of Rock, Cock" resulted in prosecution for the artist Donald Mcgill under the obscene publications act in 1954.

A censored postcard 1950's ?

2008-10-14T09:00:00.000-07:00

During the early 1950's a series of prosecutions of comic postcard artists, sellers and publishers at many seaside resorts took place. Using the outdated 1857 obscene publications act some local authorities incluiding Margate Borough Council clamped done on the sale of comic postcards which they branded as obscene. Inspite of the persecution, the controversial comic postcards with double meanings continued to be published. To avoid prosecution some comic postcards displayed the British Board of Postcard Censors logo as shown.
Harmless by today's standards this card was "distributed" and not published by Coastal Cards Ltd, Clacton on Sea . The artist is not named either which is not surprising.
I was lucky to purchase this card about ten years ago from old stock on display at the flower shop at the top of Margate High Street run by Margate's Mr Postcard himself Fred Houghton. It is one of my favourites.

This card is in a typical post war format with the art work in a rectangle to enable the postcard to be published on any available size card due to cost or card shortage. Also Aunties hair style is certainly very much the style of that period.